I am a master.
I feel gloriously unchanged (though now I know what a lowess plot it is).
Grandpa, grandma, and sis made the trip down from the apple. You'd think it would be nice to kick with the elders for a few hours, learning about the haulocast and the cold war, etc. But the problem is - they aren't related. The only reason they'd ever be in a car together is because their children married (procreated, twice, and quickly divorced) thirty years ago. Now they are forced together in the most unlikely of places - the back seat of a geo metro. And they don't like each other (or anyone else for that matter). Even worse, they can't hear each other (or anyone else for that matter). So Becky says they both talked the entire way down, unawares of the others line of reasoning, and my poor sister was left to navigate the waters of two unintelligible conversations simultaneously. Needless to say, she was ready for some R/R and a large plate of Hana sushi when she finally made it to Charm City.
Grandpa, in a nutshell:
Grandpa: Can I have a menu please?
Waiter(Karate Kid headband and all): Sure, here you go.
Grandpa: Danke
Waiter: (blank stare)
Grandpa: What's a matter, you don't understand?
Waiter: No, I'm Japanese.
Grandpa: But you don't speak German?
Waiter: No, I'm Japanese.
Grandpa: But you signed a pact with Germans.

NyTimes today:
House Passes a $2.7 Trillion Spending Plan
By EDMUND L. ANDREWS
Published: May 18, 2006
The measure calls for increasing military spending by 7 percent, to nearly $558 billion in 2007, a figure that includes $50 billion for military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. The package would essentially freeze or cut spending on most domestic discretionary programs, including education, energy and national parks, and it calls for trimming $6.8 billion over five years from entitlement programs like Medicaid and farm subsidies.

Is it possible that one can be a moral person and "fiscally conservative." How do these ideals fall short of outright gluttony? I must surround myself with republicans. I need to become a mole. Become immersed in the enemy. There is no education without challenge. My fucking public health education. Surrounded by bleeding hearts and bandanas. And the token republican. Kyden "Oklohoma" Creekpaum. Sooner. Sooner be dead than caught helping a welfare recipient. Man thinks Walmart is second only to fire in the endlessness of its value to mankind. I need to find some smart republicans. Sooner than later.

 

I was bummed enough. Coerced from my high school girlfriend prematurely - back to my second term of college after an ephemeral winter break. Plus there was that whole thing with my ruptured appendix and soon to be hematoma, etc. No driving - doctor's orders. I was outside Cleveland. What did he know anyway, he gave me a second waistband to take out an organ the size of a peapod. Mid-day darkness. the flakes opacified the windshield. The car directly in front of me swerved. off to the side of the road with a sudden thud. I tried braking. No use. Eventually the silver bullet, an 85 cutlass siera, followed his fate. I hiked back the 60 meters to his car. He futily reved the car to 70 rpms. We shovelled. We shook. He left. I had a lunch ticket to sin for at least a week.
I got the call from Shayna three days later. I can't remember the name of the company. Evidently I had caused an accident, steering someone off the road in a mad fury in the midst of the worst blizzard since the last one. I couldn't help but remember that Goofy, Jeckyl and road-rage Hyde cartoon they show you for speeding. I called Dad. Told him the truth. He didn't believe me. But was happy to tell the insurance company to fuck off. Never heard again. There should be laws against that. I guess there are. Fraud it's called. Maybe it should be called a bad samaritan law.